Dearest New Mom,
Welcome to the wolf pack!
I’ve seen a various amount of memes and posts on different social media platforms about motherhood. Quite a few saying something along the lines, “Grab a drink and the next 18 years will fly by”. Somewhat funny, but also pretty negative. Well I’m going to tell you right now, this is not one of those posts. Don’t get me wrong, I give it a good chuckle, but I am here to offer a different perspective that gets me through the grueling hours of motherhood. I mean, you were given a human. Something to dote on and mold into a living being of adulthood one day. How AWESOME is that? But not just awesome, how much pressure? Maybe your kid will discover a new planet. Maybe they’ll climb Everest. The possibilities are exhilarating, and you are here to plant the seeds into that growing brain and watch them flourish.
If I could give one piece of advice to a new mom, it truly is to slow down and enjoy it. Cliche, right? A mother to a fresh newborn right now is probably rolling their eyes as they read this at 3 AM running on little to no sleep. Are you wallering in your own stench after a week of no showers? Hoping your day 4 hair doesn’t look as bad as your 78th baby selfie is making it appear? Or am I the only one who ditched personal hygiene in the newborn phase? A veteran mom that’s past this stage and more is probably thinking, “just wait”. All of the mother’s in my life always laugh at my thoughts, not rudely, more of a “that’s cute you think your kid will be potty trained by 1 and playing piano by 3, good luck with that”. Don't let anyone douse your hopes and dreams of parenting. If you want to start your kids admission paper work to an Ivy League, DO IT. If you want to take your 6 month old on a 4 mile hike through Montana back country, DO IT. I did. I loved it, Harper loved it. That is what matters. You are the mama bear, and don't let anyone tell you differently. I am on the fence about having more children, but if or when I do this fresh mom thing again, there are so many things I wish I could relish in over and over again.
My daughter turned one last month. ONE. A whole 365 days she has spent on this earth. If you weren’t present for these festivities, I bawled my eyes out. Complete ugly Kim Kardashian ugly tears. I am ecstatic that Harper is a toddler, but I am also terrified. Did I do enough in that year? Did I read enough, give her enough vegetables, does she know how much we love her? All bundled up into one emotional day. I started to reminisce on the newborn days and the differences.
With each milestone comes immense pride and elation, but also heartbreak. It sounds weird to say that it’s heartbreaking when your daughter learns to walk. It’s not necessarily that she can walk; it’s that now she will turn away from me holding her as much in favor of walking. I used to carry her EVERYWHERE. I will never forget my first night home with her, I literally took her to the bathroom with me. I was so terrified of what would happen in those 30 seconds. Now, I turn my head for 10 seconds to fold something and she’s ripped out every cupboard, ate 3 candy canes (not really) and found her way to the dog bowl. I sincerely wish I was kidding about the dog food part. My favorite part of the day is fishing soggy dog food out of my child’s mouth.
How about those late night cuddle sessions? Walking around in your bath robe and pajamas that have who know’s how many of your child’s bodily functions on them. Are you feeling that exhaustion everyone warned you about but you were so sure you could handle? I can actually remember sleepwalking in a sense. I’d walk the house with her to help her sleep and I was a zombie. A semi aware state of being asleep and awake. Science fair worthy existence. Harper still loves to cuddle at night, probably too much, but now holding her is no longer supporting a small infant while they slumber. It’s holding a 20 pound toddler straddling my lap and playing with my hair while drifting off into sleep. Both wonderful, but bittersweet. Now while she sleeps away I constantly worry this is the last night. When she was a newborn, I never worried about that. She’d be up in a few hours and we’d start again. Now, what if tonight is the last night she wakes up and wants me to hold her? So snuggle your little one, big or small, a little extra tonight.
I also miss those easy diaper changes, and if you have a child that will just lay peacefully. ENJOY THAT. Nothing gets the fires of motherhood rage burning like a child with a real mess of a diaper that decides to roll around like they’re in an exorcism. She also does this awesome thing where she puts her hands down her pants, so I thought I’d beat her at her own game and put the diaper on over them. She didn’t panic, she laughed. Harper-1 Me-0.\
Becoming a mom in such a social media ridden world is a blessing and a curse. How many times have you clicked on a Facebook article that promises the solution to all post-baby relationship issues? I have done research on far too many topics. I’ll start with, “what is this rash” and end up on some back web article on how to cure teething with a pile of ocean rocks. In my hours of compulsive mom reading, I saw often that independence is crucial, and I believe that. It’s great that I can get ready for work while Harper plays in her room. But a little heart string pulls every time I try to do something specific, and she walks away in favor of something else.I have brought out Lincoln Logs and started to play with her, and she’ll go do something; and part of me wants to cry, “Why won’t you play with me?” Never realized how pathetic that sounded until just now, but I’m going with it. Deep down I know it’s good that she’s building preferences and understands she has choices. Still, seeing her develop a self-sustainable life rhythm terrifies me. Although, when I sit on the rocking chair and she brings me a book and then crawls into my lap, nothing beats that feeling. She loves books, and so do I. Some of my fondest memories are with books. One of my first memories was reading a book about Winnie the Pooh while my mom folded laundry, such a strange thing to remember, but I am curious to see what Harper remembers. My luck it’ll be my horrendous attempt at sounding like all the animals in those books. Let me tell you, my elephant is pretty spot on. Hopefully she remembers that I read to her for hours. I tried my hardest to provide a fun and educational environment for her. I sacrificed that “TV babysitter” in exchange for constant stimulating activities. Will she be a genius? Who knows. Only time will tell.
Some funnier parts to this parenting journey include the different stains you will acquire. Are you breast feeding? How fun are those super public and sudden leaks? Or when your kid has a blowout and you realize it somehow ended up on your cardigan. Has your baby fallen off something yet? My pediatrician told me you're not a mom until your kids rolled off something. Harper was 2 months old when she rolled off the couch. I cried, I panicked. I was certain they were going to take her away. I finally got the courage to call and she actually laughed at me. She walked me through the red flag checklist and sent me away with words of encouragement such as "you're doing great" and "take a shower".
I love that Harper has developed so beautifully, she is intelligent, whimsical, spastic and extraordinary. I mean all of that in the most admiring way, my kid’s strange but she’s downright hilarious. She has taken the quirkiness of both of us and has molded it into this fiery and brilliant creature. But some days, I yearn for that fresh new baby. The one who would lay with me and coo for hours; she wanted me to hold her all the time, was learning to even hold her neck up. We took peaceful baths together, strolled around the block and took picture after picture. Now she has 6 teeth, which she uses to bite me often ( another great phase to look forward to). She will screech at you for attention, she “swims” in the bathtub, wants to grab every single plant or tree we pass on walks, she loves to hide things in her teepee ( especially my phone and Marcus’ name tags), she loves to “read” and demands to turn the pages. When I say demand, this child will literally make you start the book over if you turn the page yourself. I love her strong-willed demeanor, and I hope to never discourage the passion inside her.
There really is no winning, or no losing? Children are a gift. But they are hard. One moment she’s giving me the sweetest hug and patting my back, then that turns into a swift bite to the shoulder and the sweet moment is over.
So new moms, enjoy your peace and understand the true blessing you’ve been given. I love my daughter, and this is my favorite stage she’s been in so far, but I do miss having a little tiny baby sometimes. But I also love to see the stuff I’ve implemented come true. She claps her hands, she’s learned to be gentle with Cam. With motherhood I learned you have to embrace every single day as something new. They really do run the show, and even a “good” baby will have it’s day of not so good moments. She didn’t grow out of this awesome two month long sleep regression until last week. This week she’s slept through the night, hasn’t come to our bed in four days, and I miss her! I miss the foot the the stomach, the hot breath and burps in my face, I truly miss it. In hindsight, I have realized that everything you think is absolutely horrible or so refreshing, there will be an opposite incident. I don’t mean that in a rude way, it’s almost comical sometimes. I say sometimes as in sometimes I’m laughing, sometimes I’m crying, just roll with it. For example, Harper weaned herself off a binky, won’t take a bottle...so that's two less things I have to wean. BUT she isn’t weaned off me. Which is easier? Depends which mom you ask. That is the beauty of this parenting thing, no baby is the same, so no mom is the same. Almost anything you are going through, someone else is too. So you can be satisfied in that, or you can reach out for some guidance and help. I am in quite a few parenting groups on Facebook. Some are hilarious, some are truly inspiring and help me when I am struggling to find my purpose that day.
I mean it when I say you’ve got this. Your baby is up for 50th time this night because they spent months on end nestled inside you listening to your heartbeat every night. They crave the protection and warmth of your embrace. I’ve been there, it’s the middle of the night, your eyes hurt from holding back tears of frustration; but then you look at your little one slumbering on you and you can’t help the guilt and admiration. They need us. How empowering and beautiful is it that someone literally needs you for their very existence? But how humbling is it that they won’t forever. Every week, month and year brings new milestones and new memories. It also takes away vulnerabilities. I just watched my daughter walk throughout the house today, and realized she may have crawled for the last time and I don’t remember it. How strange a feeling that she has completely mastered a new concept. You are helping another human being understand the very meaning of life and their purpose in this world. Don't take that lightly, take it and grow a beautiful and exceptional bond with your child. As for me, I ask one favor. Enjoy the extra snuggles, cherish the kisses full of drool and soggy goldfish. Enjoy it all. Your little newborn, won’t be little for long.
Love,
A mom of a one year old
